So guys when I started this blog I promised this would be about all things life and as you can see a little beauty tip here and there is what helps me maintain some of my sanity during the every day pressures of work, family and running a home while dealing with my ever changing body and scatty mind…but just for a moment I want to touch upon something very personal I think most people have felt and still feel. Loss is a huge part of our lives we lose things every day…our looks, our energy, our beliefs, our friends heck sometimes we just lose our shit and are a little off kilter. These are our every day losses the ones that shape us and help us grow into who we are and who we will become.
The loss of a loved one is completely separate from all of these moments. A loss so inexplicable and powerful it has the ability to change the very core of our being. If you have experienced great loss in your life you will know there is no pain that compares to it. People have a habit of saying ‘it will never stop hurting but it will get better’. In the years following your grief this is how I described my loss to someone very close to me. You will have days that you forget, and you will have days that you remember you have forgotten. This sounds a little strange so please let me explain…Those irreplaceable people that are now no longer there become part of your every waking day, almost as if they are still there but you cannot see them. You feel ok, you feel safe and you even feel happy, just like you did when they were by your side. Then you will have days of longing to see that person and you will remember you have forgotten that they are no longer here. You will try to remember the sound of their voice, the feel of their hug, the sight of their face and be lost in your grief of realising these parts of them have slowly slipped away in your mind. You try to retrieve them but you cannot.
Whether in your life for five minutes or 50 years the pain of losing someone you love, someone who is yours is the same. As human beings we have a habit of comparing grief and compartmentalising it into stages. There is no comparison in grief. It is one aspect of humanity in which we are all the same and as human beings it is our responsibility to treat others as such. There are no time limits on loss, it is carried with us until one day our loved ones have to grieve us. There should be no punishment for how as individuals we choose to cope and manage that grief.
So please if you know someone who is grieving remember theirs is a pain that will never heal. There will be days they struggle and want to remember and days they appear to have forgotten. Whatever day they are having please show love and understanding. Let them tell you the stories of their time with people that you’ve heard a hundred times before don’t interrupt. Let them remember and feel close to their loved ones for a while. Tomorrow they will need you and one day you will need them to do the same…
Please see links below for support with loss don’t struggle in silence, someone is always listening xx